About My Dad......

Im going to be talking about my dad. He passed away Feb,16,2006, I was 11 years old when he died. He had cancer lung cancer. I wish he never left me i feel so alone now. I hate it!!. I even blamed God for my dads Death, and i never went back to Church for about 3 years. Ive had issuse with my dads Death today even, and i got put in the hospital two times for my deppresion  problems. And then i started cutting because of my dad. I wanted to die so Badly is to be with my dad. ive been suicidal for awhile now and i wish it would just stop. Because my mom still needs me and I know that but I guess my soul does not know that. Ill find a way to stop, If I dont then I will be Dead soon and no one wants that, fer sure. So now im am trying to relax and stuff to calm me down more and thats probly not going to help me. But im going to try it anyways, I dont want to stop Trying know Because something good might happen in my Life. My dad I know dont want me to keep doing this stuff over and over and over again. He wants me to be happy not sad and Depressed every day, He wants me happy like happy happy. And i agree with him i need to be happy :D. But even though he is dead i go to his Grave every once in a while. Its good anit it?. oh well though no more giveing up for me!!